Requested by an anon, who wanted James tripping acid and talking to plants. Hope you like it! 🙂
—
“Wow…”
“What?”
“It’s really pretty.”
“What is?”
“That.”
“The road?”
“No,” James said, shaking his head and pointing out through the windshield of Ron’s car. At the road. “That.”
Ron sighed. They’d been at work and James, reading a book as he ate his lunch, had grabbed Spike’s drink out of the fridge instead of his own. And normally Ron would love to make a joke about Spike spiking his drinks, but not when his boyfriend was the one drinking them and now he was high as a kite and hallucinating.
Honestly, the store was full of weird herbs and James was a witch. He should know better than to not pay attention to what he was drinking.
After a few curt words with Spike about being more careful with your psychedelic drugs, Jesus Christ, Ron had managed to get James into the car and was taking him home. Hopefully Josephine wasn’t around, because she was going to be pissed if he came in with her grandson tripping on acid.
“Yeah,” Ron agreed, because it was easier. “It is really pretty.”
“I want to taste it.”
“No.”
“Why?” James whinged.
“Because we’re going too fast,” Ron said, quiet reasonably. They were stopped at a red light.
“We could slow down,” James suggested.
“No, we can’t.”
“I’m ordering you to slow down.”
Ron felt pretty good about disobeying that order, and when the light turned green, he started driving again. James mostly just looked out the window for the rest of the ride home, which was better than him trying to talk to the seatbelt like he’d been at first.
When they got out of the car, Ron had to undo the seatbelt and open the door for James, but as he helped James out of the car, James suddenly turned his head. “Oh, wow.”
“What is it now?” He just wanted to go in the house and ride out however long this was going to take.
“There’s music,” James said, tilting his head towards the back yard. “Ron, there’s music over there.”
“There’s really not, James,” Ron sighed. This was going to be a long day.
“No, there is.” James broke out of Ron’s hold, headed with determination for the backyard.
Sighing, Ron followed him. James wasn’t moving very fast, but he also didn’t look likely to wander anywhere and it wasn’t like the garden was dangerous—theoretically.
At least, Ron was pretty sure it wasn’t dangerous to James. A few of the plants there hated him, he was positive.
James was grinning like crazy as he entered the garden, eyes closed. “It’s so pretty,” he said quietly. And he sat down right there on the grass, listening to the garden. “They’re singing.”
“Are they?” Ron asked, sitting with him. It was a nice enough day to sit together outside. Even if James was visiting an alternate reality at the moment. “What are they singing about?”
“Lots of things,” James said, swaying a little. “It’s hard to explain.”
“Okay,” Ron said, and for a while he just sat there and watched James listen to music that didn’t exist. He really was very pretty, sitting there with his eyes closed, obviously unreservedly happy. It was a rare sight. Ron took a few secret pictures of him while he sat.
After a bit, though, James opened his eyes, looking over to the side at the rosebushes. “What?”
“What?”
“Shh…” James said, crawling over to the roses. “I’m listening.”
James was listening to the plant, Ron realized. Not him.
Cool.
“Yeah,” James said seriously, nodding. “You’re right. I never thought about that. Oh…” James appeared thoughtful. “Yes…that might work. Thank you. Thank you so much…” he reached out and patted one of the flowers on the plant before moving over to the next one. “I’m listening.”
Ron just sort of watched as James crawled through the garden, chatting with the plants. His phone buzzed.
You get him home okay?
Yes, he sent to Spike. He’s talking to plants.
He always talks to plants.
They’re talking back.
It was a good while before Spike answered again, and by then James had moved onto the huge ivy plant that Ron had been trapped in when they’d met. He’ll be fine in the morning.
Ron sighed. You owe him so many apologies.
I know, I got this. Just focus on making sure he doesn’t eat rocks or some shit. See you tomorrow.
Ron put his phone away, shaking his head as he wandered over to James, who was talking conspiratorially to the ivy. “And he really likes it when I spank him.”
Ron stopped short, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. “I like it too,” James continued, giggling a little. “It’s a lot of fun and he’s really pretty like that. I think you’d like to see him like that. Maybe I’ll tie him up out here for you sometime.”
“Why are you telling the plant about our sex life?” Ron asked, not sure he wanted to hear the answer. And did it have to be that particular plant? Ron hated that plant. That plant was an asshole.
Not that plants had personalities. Ron wasn’t even the one tripping acid, God.
“He was curious,” James said, kicking his feet a little as he smiled at the ivy. “He has a lot invested in our relationship.”
“Does he now?” Ron hadn’t even told Owen anything about what he and James got up to (except for that one ill-timed joke about safewords), and here James was talking to a garden plant about it. “Why does he even care?”
“Why do you think he brought you to me? He knew I was lonely and he could tell you were too. Now we’re not lonely anymore.” James smiled fondly at Ron, patting the plant gently. “You should thank him.”
“I…” Ron sighed. There was no harm in playing along. He sat next to James. “Thank you,” he said to the plant.
“Yes,” James agreed, patting it more. “Thank you.” He tilted his head, listening some more. He giggled. “Okay. I can try that.”
“What?”
“He thinks you’d like it if I used more rope next time I tied you up, since you enjoyed being stuck inside him so much.”
“I…” Ron flushed, looked away. “He’s not wrong.”
Maybe when James wasn’t on a fucking trip, though.
Another giggle. “He’s got a lot of good suggestions. I’m going to remember them for later.” Ron doubted James was going to remember anything later. “Oh…” James trailed off, listening some more, some colour going into his face. “That’s a good idea.” He looked at Ron and broke off into a fit of giggles.
“What?” Ron wasn’t sure if he should be worried or aroused by those giggles.
“It’s a secret.” James grinned wickedly at him.
Definitely aroused.
“You shouldn’t keep secrets from your boyfriend,” Ron told him.
“Shh…” James was listening to the plants again and nodding. “Yeah. I’ll give it a shot. You’re really smart, you know that? No, you are! I never would have thought of that on my own.” He looked over at the apple tree growing nearby. “That’s a good idea too. I don’t suppose you guys know anything about insomnia?”
James’s conversation with the garden went on until it got dark. Ron stayed and just watched him the whole time, not understanding how it was possible to love someone this much.
—
How Best to Use a Sword 