Nate’s Review of Staying at Home by Yourself for Three Days While Your Boyfriend Is out of Town

I think I gave this one a fair shot and I have to say, I didn’t like it much.

It’s not that it’s bad necessarily, it’s just sort of boring. Long stretches where nothing happens that, instead of making the moments where something does happen pop more, actually just make you wish more of it was like that. I don’t know, I’m going to say that some people will be more into it than I was, but for me it’s going to be a pass next time.

This review is going to contain spoilers for staying at home by yourself for three days while your boyfriend is out of town, so if you don’t want to know how it ends, stop reading now, okay?

It starts out pretty okay, pretty much like you’d expect. Your boyfriend goes away, you take him to the airport and then you come back. You have the house to yourself! Finally, you can do all those things that you can’t normally do when you’re not alone! It feels like it’s going to be a few days of freedom. It’s nice. And you miss your boyfriend, but he’s coming back in a few days and he’s got his phone with him so it’s not like you’re not going to talk to him, so it’s not that big a deal.

But the novelty of the premise wears off pretty quickly. Sitting around the house naked and eating bacon whenever you want is fine and all, but it’s not like you can’t do those things anyway if you really want to, so it’s not that exciting actually—the reason why you don’t do them normally isn’t because your boyfriend doesn’t let you, it’s actually because you don’t want to, and it turns out you still kind of don’t want to.

And your house is quiet without anyone else in. In a nice, sort of calming way, sure. It is nice to just be alone with your thoughts for a while. But it does get a bit tiring after the first few days, especially since you’re used to someone else being there, talking and making noise and stuff. Again, it’s not like you don’t like that, the quiet was just a change of pace that got boring quickly. Lots of things get boring quickly, I found. There’s only so many times a person can masturbate, okay?

And it turns out that even though you can talk to him on the phone, it’s still not as nice as talking in person, and he’s away because he’s got stuff to do and he’s busy, and you don’t want to spend the whole time he’s gone making him pay attention to you, so you mostly just use your phone to play Dr. Mario and wait for someone to text you or something.

It’s around the second day when you really realize—your much hyped time to yourself is nice and all, but you’re really just doing all the same stuff you normally do, only with nobody to tell about it at the end of the day. Maybe slightly more productively, but productivity is relative when all you’re doing is playing Dragon Age and reading a book. And even though it’s only a few days, it’s kind of just vaguely lonely. Probably you should have tried to spend time with your other friends or something, but that’s just not as appealing.

And then of course at the end of it, you boyfriend comes back and you feel better and everything goes back to normal, so it doesn’t even feel like there’s any stakes, you know? The plot’s kind of boring, and the characters actually aren’t that interesting when they have nobody to talk to, there’s no real tension, and it’s way too long.

So I can’t say I’d recommend staying at home by yourself for three days while your boyfriend is out of town, honestly. It’s a sort of interesting character study that doesn’t end up going anywhere. I mean, I’d do it again if I had to (I do), but I think for the sequel they’re going to have to do a lot more to draw people into it. Throw in some dancing ladies in the background or something. Because this just isn’t really compelling enough to get me excited to come back next year.

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