Geoffrey’s Review of Air Travel

People who bitch and moan about air travel have obviously never sat at a desk and read through expense reports for nine hours straight.

I mean, it’s a lot of sitting, it’s a confined space, and you end up with jet lag, but really, all things considered it’s pretty low on the list of crappy things that a person can do. Plus at the end of it you get to be in Europe somewhere, or a tropical island or the Great Wall of China or, if you’re sick and tired of all that shit, your own house, which is also awesome.

To be fair, I have what could politely be called a fuckton of money, so I guess not everyone can afford trips to clothing-optional beach resorts and first-class travel, but still, it’s not that bad, really. It’s nice to just sit there and read or something while someone brings you drinks and blankets and then when it’s over, you’re somewhere else. The seats are pretty comfortable and there’s more than enough room for a person in them, and usually more than enough room for a person and their little brother.

I guess that if I had to have a few complaints about flying, it would be these. First, the selection of movies and junk on planes is usually crap, and why would I watch a movie on a small television when I can just wait a few weeks and watch it at home on a real one? But that’s not a huge problem—I just bring a book or my laptop, though I try not to work on planes if I can avoid it. It’s a vacation, after all. Giacomo usually dicks around on his phone the whole flight. It works out fine.

It also sucks that you have to pay for wi-fi on a plane. Come on, I can get free wi-fi in the airport, I can get it at a mall, for God’s sake. I can get it on a multi-million-dollar jet. It’s not like it’s expensive, it’s just a hassle to have to pay for it. But again, that’s more a Giacomo thing than my thing, I don’t really care. I don’t even care about not being able to use my phone on a plane. It’s not that long and the only person I’d really need to talk to in a pinch is going to be in the seat right beside me. Or in my seat with me.

The only other thing? Airports. No matter how you slice it, airports suck. They’re just mostly not designed well, and they’re really crowded and nobody knows how to behave properly. Airports make people stupid. But even then, it’s not that big a deal? You just go into the lounge and you get free food and it’s usually pretty quiet and whatever; the last time we went to Paris Giacomo and I were the only guys in there for like two hours and it was basically like being at home.

I know security sucks and as a bone-fide black person I should be more nervous about it than I am, but it’s really not so bad. You just pop your crap in the bin and go. One time when we were leaving New York, Giacomo was lucky enough to have that thing happen where the TSA guys made him take off his clothes to walk through the detector; course they didn’t seem quite as committed to ‘just doing their jobs’ once they realized he was commando. It was funny, not gonna lie. Plus the shitstorm it caused afterwards was really fun to watch.

On the subject of fun, I should also point out that the mile high club is just as great as it sounds, and as a card-carrying member for several years, I highly recommend it. Easily in my top ten places to get off.

But yeah, flying itself? Pretty fine, I think. I mean, the worst that happens on the plane itself is turbulence, and it’s not like that ever killed anyone. All in all, a highly recommended form of travel.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s