Figuring Out What You Like Isn’t Anywhere Near as Easy as It Seems
“So…” Stuart said, looking around as he and Edwin walked together though Pelican Bay.
He didn’t say anything else, so Edwin looked at him. It was their last day in the city, and they were shopping for some stuff that they were going to need. And some stuff that maybe they weren’t going to need. Just for fun.
When enough time had passed that it was starting to get weird, Edwin looked at Stuart. “So?”
“Oh, uh.” Stuart blushed. “Nothing, I guess. You got some time off, huh?”
“A few days,” Edwin agreed. “Louis is going to fly me to the capital. I’ll warn everyone that we’re on our way back and whatever, then he’s going to fly back and I’ll catch up with you guys.”
Stuart kicked at some dirty snow. “Okay so you’re still sort of working. Still, that’s cool. I guess being the prince’s boyfriend has some benefits, huh?”
Edwin snorted. “I’m not the prince’s boyfriend.” He did, however, have a vague and embarrassing memory of telling Owen he loved him at the orgy, which hopefully Owen didn’t remember. “He’s got a fiancé, remember?”
Stuart smirked at him. “Yeah, I remember him. Still.”
“Whatever,” Edwin grumbled, and the two of them went into a shop to pick up some riding gloves.
When they were out, they kept walking. “So you’re not Gavin’s boyfriend. But you are Louis’s, aren’t you?”
Edwin nodded at that. “Yeah. Well, I think so. I’m not sure he really loves me as much as he thinks he does; I think he just wants to fuck me.” Part of Edwin kind of figured that a few weeks of not having easy access to him would make Louis forget about him a little bit. He smiled at Stuart. “From what I can tell, dragons don’t really think there’s a difference.”
Stuart gave a snort at that. “Well, that was us a few years ago. I guess the difference is we grow out of it.”
“And we can’t fly,” Edwin added. “Maybe it’s a fair trade.”
“Maybe. Do you…” Stuart trailed off, rubbing his hands together as he walked. “Are you looking forward to the capital? You’re going to get knighted and stuff.”
“So they say,” Edwin agreed, also unsure. He shifted his bags to avoid answering. “I’m not sure. Part of me is. Another part of me feels like I’d really rather just have that never happen.”
“Even though that’s like the whole point of being a squire?” Stuart asked.
Edwin shrugged. “I don’t think career advancement is really for me. Don’t get me wrong, I’m going to do it. I know it’s good. I’m just nervous. I’d rather be a carpenter.”
“Are you good at carpentry?”
“Well, you’re good at being a knight.”
That made Edwin feel funny, in a good way. “Thank you,” he said. “So are you.”
Stuart was blushing. “Like I ever did anything. Listen I think I like guys.”
He said it all as one word, and it was clearly what he’d started to say and then stopped saying about three times now. “You think? But you’re not sure.”
“Well, it’s just…” Stuart looked away, distressed. “The orgy.”
“You had fun.”
“Y-yeah.” Stuart sighed. “But like, sex makes you cum. It doesn’t have to be awesome or what you want, right? I cum sometimes when David fucks me, doesn’t mean I like it really.”
“Yeah,” Edwin said, patting Stuart’s back and trying not to hit him with the bags. “I get it. But you think this might have been different?”
“I just…I don’t know, I liked it more than I thought I would, and…something Cal said to me. He said…new experiences make us who we are, and like. Don’t fucking laugh, okay? I thought it was kind of profound or whatever, and he’s God and stuff, so…”
Edwin was not laughing. It sounded like Stuart was having a whole crisis. “I think he’s probably right. But that also doesn’t mean you have to like guys just because you fucked a few dozen of them the other day.”
“It was the getting fucked, mostly,” Stuart said quietly, and Edwin pretended not to hear. “How did you…figure out that you liked them?”
“Boys? I grew up liking them.” One in particular. Stuart looked put out by that, and Edwin wanted to help. “Figuring out that I liked girls too was a bit harder. I’d been to brothels two or three times before I realized I actually was into girls.”
“S-so what do you do? You just take turns now, or…”
Edwin shook his head. “I usually pick a boy. I like them better. I’ve only fucked two girls in the whole last year.”
“Oh.” Stuart seemed to be thinking seriously about that. “Okay. That’s…so I can also like guys, but maybe like…not as much as girls.”
Edwin smiled. “You can like whatever you want as much or as little as you want.”
“Okay.” Stuart nodded to himself. “Okay. That…that works. Is it alright if I kiss you? Just to see?”
Edwin turned and let Stuart take a few seconds to work up the nerve, and then he leaned in and kissed Edwin there in the street. Edwin kissed back, and after a second, Stuart stepped back, making a face. “No?” Edwin asked.
Stuart shook his head. “Wasn’t super into that. No offence.”
“I might just not be your type,” Edwin said with a shrug.
“Yeah.” Stuart kept walking, and Edwin went with him. “Next time we fuck, though. You could top me, if you want.”
“Sure. When we get back to the house?”
“Okay,” Stuart said, hands in his pockets. “Don’t…uh, don’t tell Holly, please? Or Parry. Or, well. Anyone, if that’s okay.”
Stuart wasn’t talking about just the fucking they would be doing later. “Sure.”
“Not because I’m ashamed or think it’s weird or anything,” Stuart clarified. “Just…I’d rather figure it out first.”
“I get it.”
“And Parry’s kind of an asshole. If he knew I was maybe into it, I feel like he’d…”
Edwin had to laugh a little at that. “Yeah. I know.”
“I’m going to miss you. While you’re gone.”
“I’m not even going to be away for a week, Stuart.”
“Shut up, I know that.” Stuart was red again. “You’re a good friend is all.”
“It might be the only thing I actually want to be good at,” Edwin said. “Look, there’s an oyster place. I haven’t tried oysters, have you?”
“No. They sound gross.”
“You used to think that about dicks too.”
“Fuck off.” Stuart glared at nothing. “But good point. Let’s try it.”
It turned out that neither of them really liked oysters, but hey. At least they’d tried it. It was as good a thing as any to do for their last lunch in Pelican Bay.