Friday Lore Post: The Lava Dick Cave

Underneath a dormant volcano called Mount Evit in Aergyre’s southern Gajalla province, there is a cave full of lava and dicks. The dicks are carved from stone all over the walls of the cave, in various sizes and shapes (though all the shapes are dick-shaped). The only two people in the present day who have been to the cave have dubbed it the lava dick cave, but it wasn’t always so. 

In the year SC 622, an eggplant seller by the name of Richard the Hard became the recipient of the seed of a divine message. The thrust of this message was that he needed to release as many people as he could from the cages of their torpor, making them stand proud as members of a new religion. This religion was focused on a prominent figure called only the Cockatrice, from whom Richard’s vision had come. 

The cult of the Cockatrice was centered around the human penis as an object of transcendental veneration, believing that it was the vehicle through which the soul would be delivered to a higher plane of existence. The mechanism of this was the orgasm, which they believed to have more potential power than any other force in the history of the world. They believed that by abstaining from orgasm (while using the penis as much as possible), and then finally attaining an orgasm after a great deal of time, the human soul would be evacuated through the penis and transcend the world to become one with the Cockatrice. 

To this end, the cult’s members were expected to engage in sexual acts at least ten times a day (more for more experienced members), but only to orgasm once a week at most (extending to once a month or more the further one progressed in the cult). The use of a drug known as Red was encouraged so the members would remain hard at all times, and they were also encouraged not to wear any coverings over their penis, as this would be hiding the glory of the human race. Anyone old enough to emit semen could be a full member of the cult, and it was believed to be heresy to allow bonds of family or marriage interfere with the divine duty. 

Needless to say, although the cult’s numbers swelled rapidly, so to did concern about them, as some people felt that the growing number of people walking around nude and hard and engaging in sex with whomever they wanted, often in public, was inappropriate. Local authorities attempted to suppress the cult, which led to some violent clashes, and ultimately the cult went underground—literally. Richard the Hard was shown a vision of what would become their new temple, a cave under the mountain that at the time was called Mount Darjla. In SC 635, he moved the cult’s headquarters there, and the masons who were adherents of the cult carved the myriad of phalli that still grace the walls of the cave today . 

For about four years the temple operated in peace, holding daily orgies in veneration of the Cockatrice as the members attempted to reach the higher plane they’d been promised. Members went out and recruited quietly, bringing new converts to the cult. The fact that those without penises could not participate in the rituals or escape the mortal plane was a frequent point of contention, though it was promised that if they were devout, they would be reborn with penises in their next life in order to fully participate. The cult’s membership numbered over five thousand, and they were starting to spread outside the region as well. There were even talks of carving out a second temple under another mountain to house those members who could not fit in the first cavern and had to endure the manhandling and other rough treatment above ground. 

Then, during a major ritual in mid SC 639, it all came to an abrupt climax. Richard the Hard had abstained from orgasm for fifteen years, but had engaged in near-constant sex for that whole time, especially in the last five, when it was claimed that his penis was never outside another’s body, not even to urinate. On this day, he was going to have his final orgasm and finally transcend his body, and all who were able were encouraged to attend the ritual and orgasm with him, so they could all transcend together. 

With most of the cult gathered in the cave under Mount Darjla, almost the entire membership engaged in a mass orgy that culminated in Richard removing the tight ring he’d been wearing on his dick the last fifteen years. Everyone did the same, and as Richard’s cock began to erupt and the others did as well, the very walls of the cave shook with the force of the world’s strongest orgasm. It was at this point that Mount Darjla, a previously inactive volcano, also began to erupt. As the orgasm swept through the cave, so too did rivers of lava, bursting out from the walls and floor, killing the entire membership of the cult in a few short minutes. The eruption of Mount Darjla was felt miles away, and smoke and ash hung over the entire area for over a year. 

Those few cult members who weren’t present for the ritual claimed that the eruption of the volcano was proof that the ritual had been successful and that all present had transcended their bodies. Most others agreed that Richard had been an idiot for building an orgy temple in a volcano, and had gotten the finale he deserved. Without its head and with its numbers seriously shrunken, not to mention a natural disaster to clean up after, the surviving cult members eventually pulled their pants up and returned to their previous lives. The eruption sealed the temple, making it inaccessible from the outside, and it was presumed destroyed. Eventually, the cult of the Cockatrice faded from memory and the mountain was even given a new name some two hundred years later. The cave remains sealed, with most of the carvings on the walls still intact to this day.  

From “The Definitive Atlas of the World, Vol. 5: Histories and Mysteries,” by Pascal Tiberius Naoton Quimbell Haeverine anNatalie, published in White Cape in DN 1997.