—
Tegan sat down in the main chamber of Meriton’s Great Ziggurat and sighed. He was trying not to be all despondent, but he’d now burgled every Great Ziggurat on the continent and found nothing that helped.
Maybe he could go burgle some of the smaller ziggurats? They were also mysterious, just not as big. Going back to the area that wasn’t called Yender anymore was an option too, but he’d started there and it wasn’t like he’d learned any additional information. Maybe he should leave Yavhore. Which he’d done plenty of times, but like, he could leave it on purpose this time on a boat or something, go look for weird ruins somewhere else.
He didn’t feel like he was ready to burgle the Temporal Bureau yet, but he could always use the communication codes he’d taken from the time mafia base to call them. He wasn’t sure he wanted to be in the time mafia since it sounded like they did a lot of crimes, but maybe they could help him.
After all this time he’d expected the Narrator to throw him a bone or at least a boner, but here he was, still looking for answers, and still single. Maybe there were hot time travellers in the time mafia.
Wait, though. Tegan looked down, running his teeth over his lip. Maybe he could throw himself a boner. He lived in a porn universe, after all. It was worth a try. Worse case scenario all he’d get was an orgasm.
Tegan pulled his pants down, taking his circumcised dick in his hand and starting to stroke it. It got hard quickly, and Tegan started masturbating, thinking about the Audience and how much they’d be enjoying this. Since it was a porn universe they probably saw boys jerk off all the time, though. He should do something to make it more exciting.
Oh, Tegan knew. He got up and awkwardly (but cutely, he hoped) walked over to one of the chests, rooting through it for something he’d found and put back earlier. He pulled the string of large beads out and smiled, sitting down against a wall with his legs spread. Some oil from one of his pouches got them ready, and then Tegan pressed the first bead inside himself. They were bigger than anal beads usually were, which maybe meant the people who’d built the ziggurats had had big butts, Tegan didn’t know. He pushed the second bead in.
They felt so weird moving against each other inside him, a little cold and a little tingly. He kept pushing them in, jerking off as hard as he could with his free hand, leaning against the wall.
Tegan came just as the sixth and final bead went inside him, and he hissed as he did, leaning back hard as he squirted what little he could squirt. And his head pushed into the wall, a grinding sound behind him. “What?”
Tegan scrambled to his feet, pulling his pants up, as the secret button opened the secret door he hadn’t managed to find. Who would put their secret button that low to the ground? He went inside the triangular opening, found a steep decline that had him sliding down into a hidden chamber, which was full of doors.
None of doors went to other rooms in the ziggurat. They were all black and flat, and Tegan had no idea where they went.
He grinned, doing up his belt. “Thanks,” he said to the Narrator. The doors themselves didn’t interest him particularly, but the fact that they’d been shown to him did. He’d made the Narrator happy and gotten a reward for it. That meant the Narrator was coming closer to acknowledging him.
And that meant Tegan was one step closer to pulling the shroud off this whole conspiracy and getting his family back. He kept the beads inside him as he went up to one of the doors, trying to figure out how it worked. He knew he’d figure it out.
Because that was how stories worked.
—
How Best to Use a Sword 