—
Necromancy definitely can be ethical, Sully said, thinking about it. but it depends on how you think about reanimated dead bodies.
Right, said Darby, laptop on his lap. It was obvious by how tilted the laptop was that he was hyped to write his sex zombie orgy starring his warhorse necromancer Blizzard Roar, who was already balls-deep inside Grey Rain’s always accommodating ass and had just started raising the dead. He had a nice poetic phrase in there about how every thrust was like a heartbeat for the horny sex zombies, even. But then he’d paused to ask Sully whether necromancy was ethical. Like because it’s kind of hard to ask zombies for consent when they’re dead.
Yeah, Sully agreed. I think you can just assume the sex zombies are consenting to gangbanging Grey Rain though. Everyone consents to banging him.
Darby grinned. Just like in real life!
Sully rolled his eyes and tossed a candy wrapper at Darby. I guess the question is, do you think zombies are the proletariat? he asked. Or the means of production?
Darby frowned. I think they’re the proletariat. They’re even rising up. It’s kind of their whole thing.
Sully shrugged. Then necromancy is probably ethical. If they’re the means of production, then the necromancer is seizing them to fight against the power, which is also cool.
So Blizzard Roar is an ethical guy either way, cool, said Darby, grinning at his computer. He frowned and looked back up. If the dead are the means of production, what are they producing?
Everything. They’re all people who died under capitalism, right? They gave their whole lives and bodies to produce everything the rich assholes in charge have now. Raising them up and controlling them lets Blizzard Roar challenge the bourgeoisie.
Oh, awesome! Darby grinned, starting typing, then looked up again. I’m going to make the sex zombies go start gangbanging King Cat!
Sully chuckled. No matter how critical he was, Darby always came back to his one main interest in the end—getting himself or his dads laid. Perfectly valid of him, of course. Sounds good.
Sully got up and got a beer while Darby wrote, thinking about his DnD character. Maybe he should learn some necromancy, actually. Might be fun.
Darby was waving at him when he came back. Do you think there’s a way to have the sex zombies be detaching their dicks without it being gross?
Of course. Sully desperately wanted to refer him to his beta reader on that one, but he sat down, put his beer down. I think there is, he said. What did you have in mind?
—
How Best to Use a Sword 