Character Profile: Matthias

Name: Matthias Noiel Celadon the Ninth, Matthias Celadon (Modern AU)

Aliases/AKAs: Aaron the Whitesabre, Alan of Clan Heyjen, Andrea Darkness, Baldur the Fourth, Ben the Bald, Benedicta of the Six Knives, Bright Tusk, Callie, Cyrus, Dee, Devon Silence, Lord Dominic of the White Nail, Doormat, Lady Elle Skyhan, Ignatius, Jacob, Brother Jonathon of St. Matthias’s Abbey, Levi of Clan Cween, Marion Crosser, Master Jack, Math the Destroyer, Panther Jack the Whitehorse, Paul Oakwine, Pax, The Red Walker of the East, Roberta, Robin, Solomon of Clan Netzer, Stella Stalebread, Trent of Clan Gjoil, Queen Zinerva hee-Talla of Tollok

Title(s): Captain, Teown’s Sound Badger Hunting Society; Lord of the Wide River; Shaman-Regent of the Patell Orc Clan, Prime Minister of Dolovai (honourary), Priest of the Prince of Sorrows (former)

Hair Colour: Auburn

Eye Colour: Brown

Height: 170 cm

Weight: 65 kg

Build: Slender, long-limbed

Distinguishing Marks: Sword-shaped birthmark on his left inner thigh

Dick Size: Large

Relationships (Romantic and/or Sexual): Hope, Aiden, Alexi, Robby (fellow priests, former), Lyren and Drew (god and high priest, former)

Family Relationships: Callie, Cyrus, Dee, Ignatius, Robin, Roberta, Pax, Jacob (siblings), Sylvester (teacher), Dominic (caretaker), Abner (caretaker, deceased), the Patell Clan (adopted clan)

Sexuality: Bisexual

Preferred Positions: On bottom, knees on his shoulders; on top, standing

Kinks: Cross-dressing, anonymous sex, role play, blindfolds

Orgies Attended: Patell Orc Orgies, Teown’s Sound Tower Orgies, The High Cape Orgy, Priestly Orgies, The Stag Keep Orgy

Bio: Abandoned as a baby at a church in High Haven, Matthias was raised by a criminal who taught him and his siblings to be thieves, and then another criminal who taught them to be spies. Matthias specialized in disguises and document forgery, which made him an ideal candidate to deliver and intercept messages Dominic wanted moved around, as well as to convince anyone that he was meant to be where he was. After travelling for much of his childhood, Matthias was stationed in the important mountain town of Techen’s Stand, through which a lot of mail passed, and began altering said mail at Dominic’s behest. Matthias fell into the control of a mind control cult dedicated to the resurrected Lyren Techen Le’Carden, becoming a priest for several months until Lyren was killed and the cult collapsed. Matthias escaped Techen’s Stand and now lives with his brother on a trading ship, trying to recover while he figures out what he wants from life now.


  • Like his siblings, Matthias speaks numerous languages and is highly proficient in math, music, theology, art, combat, poisons, forgery, history, architecture, and many other things. Unlike his siblings, Matthias tends to assume that everyone he meets is also as all-around competent as him, unless proven otherwise
  • Matthias has seasonal allergies. Unfortunately, despite his efforts, there’s always a season somewhere
  • Matthias often dresses up as a woman for his disguises. Sometimes he does it because he feels like it. He is quite confident that he’s a boy, but he’s also happy that fully half the people he’s met think he’s a girl
  • Though Matthias has worked outside of Dolovai, he prefers to work there because it’s easier to disguise himself as someone with the same skin colour as his
  • Matthias is very charismatic and has never found that he has particular difficulty convincing anyone of anything
  • Matthias is a full member of the Patell Clan of orcs, who occupy the Yoile Range in western Yavhore. He was adopted into the clan after he rescued several of their children from a dragon armed only with a knife and disguised as a cave witch
  • Matthias was in Techen’s Stand to divert mail from the capital to Pelican Bay pertaining to naval defences, a task he stopped doing when he fell into Lyren’s cult
  • Being the only person in the town who knew anything about architecture, Matthias took charge of Lyren’s tower-building project. He still doesn’t understand why Lyren was so bent on building a tower that wasn’t structurally capable of supporting its topmost floor
  • After being freed from Lyren and Drew’s control, Matthias realized quickly that them forcing him to do things he didn’t want was only marginally different from Dominic forcing him to do things he didn’t want, and now doesn’t work for Dominic anymore
  • Unlike a lot of his siblings, Matthias has a tendency to get content wherever he is. He knows this about himself and is currently being careful not to just decide to stay on the Coral Witch long-term because he can’t be bothered to leave. If he does stay, he wants it to be because he genuinely wants to stay there


  • “Uh. You seem happier to see me than I expected.”
  • “Oh. Nice to meet you, Nate. I’m Pax’s older brother. You said you met Cyrus recently? He’s not intimidating enough. I’ll be the one to give Nate the speech about how if he makes you cry I’ll cut his arms off and feed them to griffons. Or equivalent. I’ll put some thought into it. “
  • “Well, nevermind then. In that case I formally apologize, I swear we’re actually a very nice family. Is she the reason why he doesn’t have arms?”
  • “I just kind of started living in Techen’s Stand? Dominic sent me there to intercept messages and stuff, but I kind of like it there and I think I might stay. They’re building some stuff and none of them really knows how architecture works, and they’re really nice people and I don’t want their project falling on their heads, you know? So I’m going to stick around there for a while and make sure they find the help they need.”
  • “Hi. Sorry to wake you up. I figured you’ve always been an early riser ever since the thing with the tigers and your socks getting regurgitated but also I see that you’re joined by Denver, which is of course not a problem but is unexpected because I’d assumed you and Nate were monogamous and I saw him out there, I’m very sorry for making that assumption and also for waking you, Denver.”
  • “I just need somewhere to stay for a bit. Nobody’s after me, I think. I was, um. In Techen’s Stand there was this cult. Magic stuff, mind control. I got stuck in it and I couldn’t get out. For weeks.”
  • “So you’re really not having sex with Pax? Because you were naked in the same bed and that’s often adjacent to sex in my sexperience.”
  • “I’d like to be something other than a burden, too. I don’t know how to sail but I can learn. Nautical jargon especially has always seemed fun.”
  • “The future is fake. Can I have a hug?”
  • “So if I’m interpreting the body paint right, mine shows that I’m your brother.”
  • “I’ll ask him. I noticed that your kin markings are similar to Denver’s in the way that mine are similar to yours. See, here and here and here? And here, though if I touch there you’ll blame me for giving you a boner.”
  • “Uh-huh. I appreciated you painting me earlier. It was really thoughtful of you to do my dick too.”
  • “Pax, look, I know we all called you names when we were younger. We were shitheads and we were wrong and I’m sorry. What happened to Nate isn’t your fault.”
  • “Why hm? That’s your ‘I know something but I’m going to say I don’t have any evidence’ hm.”


  • Matthias has an irrational fear of having his teeth stolen
  • Matthias is the only one of his siblings to ever make a concerted effort to find his biological family. He hasn’t succeeded, though an oracle in Bright Harbour told him he has a connection to someone named Martin
  • Before Abner died and some of the older kids who were part of their group left, Matthias remembers two of the older boys jerk each other off every so often. Once it was just him and his eight siblings, he asked Robin to do it with him, which was the first time he touched someone else sexually
  • Matthias once single-handedly stopped a war between Kyaine and Dolovai by forging a letter to Queen Francesca supposedly from King Gerard, in which he ceded a small island in the middle of the Saint’s River on the border to Kyaine. To date, nobody on either side of the border has ever questioned this
  • Though he has no magic, the Patell Clan has named Matthias their Shaman-Regent because of his abilities with herb lore and star reading. They have given him several magical artefacts to use while he’s with them
  • Matthias has never gone more than a month without at least a semi-regular sex partner, ideally someone a little bigger and older than him, no matter where he is. He’s never had a serious romantic relationship
  • Matthias has been asked to serve as a sperm donor by six different couples who were struggling to conceive, and as a result is the biological if not legal father of two children in Three Hills, one in Endwan, three siblings in Meish, two sets of half-orc twins in the Patell clan, one child to a member of House Hardhold, and one sorcerer in Clan Wizche. None of his children resemble him at all, except that they all have birthmarks identical to his in the same place
  • On four different occasions, Matthias has been trapped in spooky mansions during storms and been forced to solve murder mysteries. On all four occasions he was able to rule out suspects by alibiing them at critical points in the timeline because they’d been fucking him. On all four occasions the butler did it
  • After his experiences with Lyren, Matthias feels like he should want to take a break from sex. But actually he feels better just having normal sex with people, so he’s been trying to do that instead
  • Matthias is wanted throughout the Bet-Haren Alliance for a series of assassinations for which he was only partially responsible. The only description of him they have is an extremely accurate drawing of his ass, and throughout the Alliance, anyone arrested for any crime or who wants to enter a high-security area must bare their ass for inspection to be checked against the picture

Modern AU: Modern Matthias’s criminal career was recently interrupted when, over the course of some routine real estate fraud, he looked at the wrong screen shown to him by the wrong boy and ended up putting his skills to use forging paperwork for various government and law enforcement departments, while also putting his body to work helping out all the people he was forging paperwork for. Matthias has now broken free of that life and managed to make off with a considerable amount of the money the group had amassed, but isn’t really sure what to do with it at this point. He’s gotten a job working at his old teacher’s casino for now while he sorts out his life and tries to remember the details of the group he escaped from, which seem to slip away from him every time he tries to summon them.

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