—
Uri’s sister had said that the new school board had split the gym class into one for boys and one for girls because they were all perverts. Geoffrey agreed with her, so Uri guessed that was probably true, though not all the things they’d done to the school were perverted. They’d given lots of new instruments to the music room and replaced all the stairs with ramps and put sign language and Braille in the curriculum, and gotten all the books updated. There was some perverted stuff like the lube and condoms that were in the bathrooms now, and those were just helpful anyway.
Regardless of whether the school board were perverts, though, Uri knew that the gym teacher Mr. Neart was one. He was the sort of weird kind too, one who’d watch them get changed for gym but hardly ever do anything else. Not the cool kind of pervert like Geoffrey who’d actually do something perverted and fun, like have a naked sleepover.
Uri had heard a few kids say that he’d invited them into his office after class, but Mr. Neart had never invited him, even though he was cute and horny, so clearly he was a boring pervert.
Anyway, he watched them all get changed for gym class, then when they were all ready, he said, “Okay boys, we’re playing dodgeball today. All of you on this side go over here, and the rest of you over there.”
Uri didn’t like dodgeball much, because he was pretty good at throwing but not very good at dodging. But he wasn’t very good at gym class generally, so there wasn’t much point in complaining. Maybe this time he wouldn’t get hit in the face. He went where Mr. Neart pointed him, ending up on the other team from Fabien and a few of his other friends, which wasn’t very fun. Maybe they wouldn’t throw balls at him?
“We’re playing skivvies versus skins today,” said Mr. Neart, getting Uri’s attention again. “So those of you over here, clothes off. You guys on this side, down to your underwear.”
“Huh?” asked Fabien, on the naked side. “Isn’t it usually shirts versus skins?”
“Yeah, but we don’t want a copyright lawsuit,” said Mr. Neart, smiling. He had a nice smile. “Besides, this is more fun. If you get hit, you switch teams. We’ll see which team ends up winning.”
“Mr. Neart?” asked Remi, holding his hand up. Uri only knew him a little bit, but he was really friendly and his dad worked for the government or something, so he missed a lot of school. “I’m not wearing any underwear.”
A few boys laughed at that, but Mr. Neart just winked. “Well, a bunch of people are about to take theirs off, so I’m sure you can find a pair.”
“Okay!” Remi seemed pretty happy about that, stripping off his shirt and then his shorts, proving that the white splotches on his face and hair went down his chest and belly too. Totally naked, he wandered over to the other side of the gym, trying to get someone to undress and give them his underwear.
Uri shrugged and took his clothes off too. He was wearing underwear, a pair of tight Cheeky briefs with a flap in the back that he liked to wear because Geoffrey liked to make him stop wearing them. The other boys started to follow suit, talking to each other as they did. The boys on Fabien’s team took a little longer, but Remi seemed to be helping them along and soon enough they were all naked, though a few were covering themselves up.
They’d get hit pretty fast if they kept that up, Uri thought, which meant his team would win. Mr. Neart got out the balls and made sure each team had five—Uri got one to start the game out with—and reminded them not to aim for each other’s faces or crotches. He went through and collected all their stray clothes into one pile, sectioning out the underwear for anyone who’d need to change into a pair.
The game started, and the gym got loud. Uri hit Fabien’s shoulder with his first throw and grinned as Fabien went off to grab his undies and join Uri’s team. He did pretty okay for a good five minutes until he got hit and had to strip off to join the other side, where he almost immediately got another boy out.
They had to change sides quickly, so when a skins boy got to join the skivvies team he just had to take whatever undies Mr. Neart handed him so he could get back in the game. Uri ended up wearing three different pairs of underwear over the course of the game, including a pair with a dinosaur on the crotch that he really liked and not just because it was horny sizes too small. He got hit pretty soon after putting those on, though, and ended up joining the skins team again.
He noticed Remi wearing his undies and aimed for him, getting him out because Remi had been focused on aiming a ball at another boy. Remi nudged Uri with a grin as he joined the skins team and they kind of worked together after that. Remi was really good at getting the ball and Uri was good at throwing it, so he often passed it to Uri so Uri could get a boy on their team. They even pulled off a really cool-looking move where a ball had been coming right for Uri’s face and Remi jumped in front of him and caught it to get the thrower out, then tossed the ball over his shoulder to Uri, who hit Fabien with it and got him out too.
Uri felt like a really cool sports kid right up until he got hit in the face, and dodgeballs hurt a lot. “Ow, ow, ow…” He glared at the boy who’d hit him, pretty sure it had been on purpose because he was so good at throwing. “You did that on purpose.”
“Did not!”
Uri glared some more, but Remi put a hand on his arm. “It was an accident,” he said.
He had a really calm voice, and Uri sighed. He was probably right. “Okay,” he said. He wasn’t out because getting hit in the face didn’t count, and he got the ball again and got the other boy onto their side. Soon there were only three boys left on the skivvies team, and there was no doubt who was going to win. The game lasted another few minutes, but Fabien ended up getting two boys out at once by hitting them with a ball that bounced, and that was the game.
“Okay, I guess that answers that,” Mr. Neart said, clapping his hands in applause as they all just kind of stood there naked, not sure what else to do. “Here, let’s get a picture of you all to celebrate!” He pulled out his phone, and had them all line up so he could take one. Remi put his arm around Uri as the picture was taken, and Uri grinned widely. Hopefully he didn’t have a black eye. “Now,” said Mr. Neart. “To celebrate, we’ll do our next few classes naked, okay? I have some fun stuff for you guys next week.” The bell rang. “Okay, that’s it.”
Everyone went for their clothes. “Hi,” said the boy who’d hit Uri in the face. He’d been talking to Remi a second ago. His name was Nuka. “Thorry I hit you. I promise it was an acthident.”
“It’s okay,” Uri said, noticing that Nuka was the boy with the dinosaur undies. “I’m sorry I got mad. My dad used to always get mad at sports too, so maybe it runs in the family. I really like your undies!”
“Thankth, I stole them! I like yours too!”
Uri leaned in close, holding his out. “Want to trade?”
Nuka nodded, and they did that. “Want to come over to my plath after school?” Nuka asked. “We can play something that isn’t thports!”
Uri giggled. “Okay!” He’d have to ask his mom, but she always said yes.
“Uri,” said Mr. Neart, hand on Uri’s bare shoulder. “Do you want to come to my office? I just want to take a look at your eye. I’ll write you a note so you don’t get in trouble.”
It was very easy to see that Mr. Neart had a boner, so Uri nodded and stopped pulling his shorts up. “Okay!”
“Great. Remi, you want to come too? We need to talk about the classes you’ve missed.”
Fabien rolled his eyes, and Uri went over and handed him his bag and stuff. “See you soon.”
“Have fun,” he said, kissing Uri’s cheek.
Uri giggled. “I will,” he promised, heading over to take Remi’s hand. “I think we should be friends,” he told Remi.
“Me too. You’re a really good thrower.”
“You’re a really good catcher!”
They went together to Mr. Neart’s office, where they got very close to each other and Mr. Neart, who told them they could call him Finnley. It turned out he was the good kind of pervert after all.
Uri couldn’t wait to find out what they’d be doing next time they had gym.
—
How Best to Use a Sword 