—
“Okay,” said Tegan, once he’d finished making copies of his notes in pink pen in a notebook that had tigers on the cover. “So we have all this stuff about the people who built everything on Nova. We have all these tunnels that are magically connected so you can go anywhere on Nova. We have some dead bodies even. What we don’t have is a way to reinstate Yender as a thing that exists that you can go to and live in.”
Unfortunately, thought Tegan, looking over his notes, that was the one thing he actually wanted. He was doing his best to follow the plot, but in all the stories he’d read, the best characters were the ones who grabbed the plot by the dick and sucked it. Or something.
So that was what he was going to do, or something.
Tegan had made copies of all his notes and findings just in case he died (he wasn’t totally sure it was possible for him to die, but he didn’t want to look like an idiot in the afterlife if it was), and had prepared for a long journey, though he didn’t think it would actually be that long. He had his best coat on and some warmed gloves and boots he’d borrowed from the colourful world. He should be fine.
Or maybe he’d freeze to death. It was hard to say, honestly. But either way, Tegan went through the hub until he found the door he wanted, and he went through it. That took him to a dark room that he lit with a torch. From there, he took another door that brought him the closest to where he wanted to go. Then he went outside and was immediately assailed by all the snow in the world.
From there, it was a simple matter of climbing a mountain, which even as Tegan was doing it he knew wouldn’t be interesting enough to linger on, so he tried not to do anything fun or interesting while he climbed so that the whole four-day process could get condensed into one paragraph or maybe a run-on sentence or something.
At the top of the mountain, Tegan had developed arm strength he didn’t know he’d had, but was mostly cold and kind of wished he’d stayed in the warm underground caves exploring the history of Nova. But he was here now, and as he climbed over the last cliff, Tegan took a deep breath of thin air that tasted like ozone and looked into the cave mouth. Storm clouds were circling the tall peak, which Tegan had a feeling was normal.
To his left was a gentle path that seemed to slope down the mountain, and Tegan looked at it for a second before giving it and the Narrator the finger in his borrowed gloves, which the store in the colourful world probably wouldn’t want back now. Maybe he could write an endorsement or something. He still had all his fingers.
Then he went into the cave. It was huge and broken into different smaller caves, which unfortunately Tegan didn’t get to explore just yet, because the dragon he was looking for was right there, black and blue all over except for his ice-white eyes, which were wide open and staring at Tegan. “Oh, hi, Mister Razzgkrar’thengg-ysshrrmdj’znvya’gnkiia,” Tegan said to him, suddenly nervous. Dragons were actually huge. “I’m not here to steal anything.”
The dragon exhaled warm air all over Tegan, which was gross but also welcome even if it did shock him everywhere. Tegan pulled out a small rectangular device that he’d picked up in the other world. Everyone there had one but he’d never seen one before. “I brought you something? I think it’s sleeping but it told me it wanted lightning before it stopped working so I thought you could wake it up and add it to your hoard or something.”
Razzgkrar’thengg-ysshrrmdj’znvya’gnkiia growled, but Tegan didn’t think it was a mean growl or a hungry growl, so it was probably fine. And then he shapeshifted into an older guy who was too hot for clothes, and strode up to Tegan. He was still really fucking tall. “You’ve come an awfully long way to give me a gift,” he said, taking the thing from Tegan’s hand. Its front lit up immediately.
Tegan smiled at him. “Not that far, only about a quarter of the planet in total distance.”
It was the word ‘planet’ that got the dragon’s attention, which Tegan had figured it would. “Would you like something to eat? I have yak stew on.”
“Sure,” said Tegan, who’d never seen a yak before. But now he’d taste one and he was very hungry. “That’s very kind of you, sir. Also I have questions about time travel and alternate worlds and I was wondering if maybe you could answer them?”
“What’s your name?”
“Tegan.”
“I’m Osmond, Tegan. Come inside, and we’ll see what I can tell you.” Osmond smiled, a very sharp smile that had lightning in it. “And we’ll see what you can tell me.”
“Great, perfect,” said Tegan, aware as he said it that he was probably stepping on Osmond’s closing line. But he was the main character here, so he’d close it out. Or something. “I can tell you a lot of things. I think you might know a little bit about ziggurats, right?”
—
How Best to Use a Sword 