Silas was lost.
He’d been at home, in bed, jerking off, thinking about Frederick, thinking about normal horny stuff. But then other stuff had started to filter in. Stuff Drew wouldn’t let him forget, but wouldn’t let him talk about. Younger boys, little boys. Such little boys.
And his dick had gotten so much harder. Silas had had to stop, take a cold shower. And go for a walk to clear his head. But he couldn’t seem to clear it, the fog that filled his brain when he was with Drew a permanent feature of his thoughts lately.
He was…different, now. And he didn’t want to be. He wanted to be like he had been before. He wanted to be a normal person. But he wasn’t.
He’d started to like what Drew made him do. He’d started to think about it when he wasn’t working. He’d started to really…the other day at work he’d been fucking some kid, some fucking little kid who was barely old enough to dress himself and he’d, he’d fucked him so hard. He’d never been that rough before. Drew had made fun of him, of course. Silas couldn’t do anything without Drew’s commentary. Drew had told him all about how into it he was, and how he’d never seen Silas enjoy himself that much during sex, and how he was happy that Silas was finally happy with what he was, and Silas wasn’t happy with what he was. He’d cum so hard, though, and so many times.
He was lost in the fog and didn’t notice that someone was running towards him. “Sorry, mister!” said a little boy. A little boy had run right into him. Silas’s hands had come down to his shoulders to help him stand instinctively.
“It’s okay,” Silas said. He was in the park, right near the playground. There were a bunch of kids playing. There were so many boys playing. One of them didn’t have a shirt on.
Silas’s dick was rock hard and he was just standing there. Shit, shit. Someone was going to notice. It was right near the kid’s face. That face would look so good smeared with cum. Silas had a vague memory of having done that, once. Twice? It didn’t matter.
The kid didn’t seem to notice Silas was perving on him. Nobody ever seemed to notice anything was wrong. Silas had hooked up with Harrison the other day and he was the nicest guy in the world but even he hadn’t noticed that Silas hadn’t had a great time. Silas had pretended, because he liked Harrison, but it just hadn’t been what he’d wanted.
And afterwards, he’d gone over to one of the houses he’d worked at in Harrison’s neighbourhood where the knew the kid would be home by himself, and spent an hour actually having the kind of sex he’d wanted in the first place.
The kid who’d bumped into Silas ran towards the bathroom, and Silas followed him. He wasn’t going to do anything. Not to a kid Drew hadn’t used his whatever on. He was just going to maybe stand next to him. Let the kid see his boner. See what happened. Maybe he could get a handjob. From a little kid.
Silas hated himself so much. He didn’t deserve anyone’s pity, or love, or anything. He was a piece of shit who liked touching little boys. He was so lucky he had a small cock, or Drew wouldn’t have a use for him, and then where would he be?
Silas almost jumped out of his clothes when Drew’s arm wrapped around his waist. “Hey, Drew.” He hadn’t known Drew would be here. “What are you…”
“Just scoping out potential clients. You seem to like that one,” Drew said, with a grin. “How about I go talk to his parents for you?”
“Uh. No, I’m good.” They weren’t working right now. Drew couldn’t make Silas do anything.
“Okay.” Drew slid away. “I’ll talk to them anyway. See you.”
Silas nodded vaguely. He should leave, right now. Go home, fuck Frederick, jerk off, pretend to be normal, something.
He went in the bathroom. It was empty except for the kid he’d followed. He was using a urinal with some difficulty, his pants around his knees. Some of the fog in Silas’s head was clearing.
Silas locked the bathroom door.